Memory and My Dad

My dad got lost for about 12 hours last weekend. I never, ever thought that would happen. He has been a rock (sometimes a boulder, actually) in my life since I was 3 years old. He taught me how to load the dishes in a dishwasher, to pack a box (which was very important since I moved 8 times in 13 years of college education and early teaching), and to not put up with any crap from anyone. He was difficult sometimes, but later in life I understood that while he was yelling and screaming a lot, he was looking out for me. These memories are important for both of us. So while it may be extremely difficult for him to accept this new diagnosis of dementia, it's definitely hard on me, too.

After about the first four hours that he was missing last weekend, I started to get a little nervous. I knew what could happen, kind of weighed the possibilities, and even drove around with my son for a bit out of desperation just trying to figure out which way he might have turned. He'd been lost down here in their new home one other time before, but that was right after they moved here. He had gone out to get coffee and wound up being escorted home by the police. Unfortunately he had gotten turned around and couldn't figure out where his street was. He had the sense to stop at a drugstore and ask them to call the police (dad doesn't carry a cell phone). They did and the police got him back to his house just fine.

But this time was different, he wasn't in communication and it was 12 hours of being lost. We're still not sure exactly what happened and we likely won't ever know. Thank God the police found him unharmed about 15 miles away.

Since the police brought him home that night, I have discovered a lot. I found out that my dad wasn't carrying his own driver's license (my mom actually had his license in her wallet). I found out that my dad likely had a TIA (mini stroke). And I found out that I have many, many friends who are willing to help. One friend I haven't seen since Oregon helped assess GPS devices for my parents to wear. Another friend helped with a GPS device for their car. Still other friends took my dad to the appointments that were immediately needed to figure out what's going on with him. I am forever grateful that I have that web of connectivity in this small community.

I cannot express how this outpouring of help has impacted the situation (mentally and physically). There are just not enough hours in the day to research all the options, plans, devices that my parents will start to need now. Only with the help of others have I been able to make a stab at lining things up. We are now in a stage of trying to identify the right kind of help to be with my parents during the week when I am working. We have a meeting with a group called Visiting Angels today. Hopefully they will earn my parents' trust and help them gain back their freedom and security. As this situation unfolds, there will be many ups and downs, but hopefully nothing like the nightmare this weekend.