So you might be wondering why the crazy picture of Q-Tips...well, it's one of the only reasons I'm able to get through the day sometimes. Q-Tip (Quit Taking It Personally) is an Al-Anon slogan that not only helps me deal with the alcoholic in my life, but also is now helping me through issues with my aging parents.
When frustrations pop up because of memory loss or confusion, often my parents will lash out at me because I'm the closest person in the room. My mom, in particular, has experienced varying degrees of paranoia associated with these episodes. She blames me when her check mysteriously disappears. She blames me when her bills are missing and unpaid. And she blames me when the money in her bank account doesn't match the money in her checkbook. While these are extremely frustrating situations for her, the only way she can cope is to blame someone else—usually my dad or me. These situations are usually cyclical and generally last about a week until she find whatever it was she was missing and no longer perceives it as being stolen.
During these stressful times, it does me no good to try to reason with or point out that logically the situation doesn't make any sense. So while I love my parents and want to help them through their issues, it's not my place to correct them, set them straight, or try to convince them just how crazy they sound sometimes. My coping mechanism is to try to remain as silent as I can (and that's very hard for me sometimes) and just listen. And Q-Tip.
I try not to take things personally, which again, is very hard when someone is accusing you of taking money out of their bank account. Just like the alcoholic, arguing with a person experiencing memory loss or trying to correct them does nothing more than frustrate both parties. The alcoholic has his or her own version of reality as does the forgetful, aging parent.
Spread Your Wings!
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