When I first started with Al-Anon and then later therapy, I began reading everything I could get my hands on to try to understand what was taking place. I am a lifelong student and a former university professor, and I continue to work in education in my present position, post academia. So naturally I thought if I could just read up on the subject of alcoholism and addiction, I could figure out a way to fix the situation I was experiencing. Wrong!
Al-Anon has an extensive list of books, one of which is "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon." This is a daily reader with 365 entries. The purpose is to help to focus your energy on YOU, not the alcoholic in your life. You need to concentrate on fixing your interactions with the alcoholic and realize (and truly believe) that everyone is in charge of their own life. After a few months of Al-Anon, I realized the program was not about solving someone else's drinking/addiction problem, it was all about me. Fabulous book that I still read. There are many, many books (online and hard copy) that are available. I started here http://ecomm.al-anon.org/shop on my search for literature to "fix" my situation.
After about six months of Al-Anon, I started in therapy at a local group that specialized in family therapy and for those with drug and alcohol issues in their family. Again, I immediately asked the therapist for a reading assignment...something that would help me fix this problem. She was amazing and emailed me a list of about four books that would potentially be helpful. One in particular was recommended: Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More." Just reading the first chapter, I immediately identified with what the author was saying. This was a life-changing book for me.
I'm not advocating spending hundreds of dollars on books or therapy. I have met many people through Al-Anon, who have never purchased a single Al-Anon book, but rather choose to work the program only by attending the free meetings. They have found solace in the group and didn't wish to pursue another road. I also know many people who seem to solve the issues entirely on their own. They have made peace with the situation and handled it in the way they believe is best. But if you do choose the route of therapy, there are many groups out there that work on a sliding scale so you pay only what you can afford if insurance doesn't cover the expenses. Check in your area for rehab centers. They can also offer family counseling and assistance.
Everyone has to choose his or her own path. Mine was to join support groups and read and share as much as possible. God is in control of my life and I never really believed that until I started this journey five years ago. I fought like crazy to fix things for the first few years until I got the help I needed. Once that happened, everything changed for the better. That doesn't mean everything has been rosy or easy—quite the opposite actually. But I am at peace now and that is everything.
Spread Your Wings!
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