17 February 2015

Al-Anon's 3 C's

The slogans of Al-Anon/Alateen are helpful sayings to learn to cope with a situation that is out of your hands. These apply to not only the alcoholic in your life, but to life in general. The first one I learned was "The 3 C's." I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. When my son was going through our situation, he was often angry and frustrated at school and specifically at other students. We attended weekly Alateen meetings and saw a therapist. But the gentle reminder of the Al-Anon/Alateen slogan helped when someone was doing something that was pissing him off (deliberate or unintentional). 

At first it's rote memorization. I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it. But after a while, you start to actually believe the words you're saying and things change for the better. I remember attending an Al-Anon meeting where a new person basically said that slogan was a bunch of bunk. She was going to cure her son. She was going to make sure he went to rehab and got the help he needed. She was going to fix the world. Instead of arguing with her, those who were leading the meeting simply said, "Keep coming back." That is the standard answer. Helping yourself realize that you can't cure the alcoholic or addict is hard. You want to fix a bad situation. But if you believe that Al-Anon and Alateen can help, then you 'keep going back' and very quickly learn you cannot be responsible for another person (unless they are an infant or incapacitated). 

There are a lot of things that are out of my control...almost everything except what I do and think. Living by the 3 C's has helped me to not overreact when someone says or does something with which I disagree.



Spread Your Wings!

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