Happy Easter

So grateful for my life, my family, and my chosen family. Without faith and trust, I would not be in this place.In my very limited life experience, I have found that it's better to make that difficult decision and trust in God that everything will eventually work its way out. Enough said.

Spread Your Wings!

Back into Dating

Seriously...back into dating at my age. Never, ever have I ever imagined that would be happening again. But it is.

The original roots of this blog—my departure from academia and subsequent movement into the private educational sector—have kind of gone astray as my life has changed in oh so many ways over the last six years. Not only did I leave my academic job, but I am now divorced raising two young teens/pre-teens. To further complicate my life, I am now starting to dip my toes back into the wide open waters of dating.

While there may be men in my hometown, I am largely unaware of them...so I took to online dating. Seriously. Me. Rule #1—never even bother with someone who doesn't post a picture. I got taken right away by a scammer. Figure that out within 3 emails back and forth. Seriously, does my profile say "idiot"? 

Once I get past an email or two, I have mostly chickened out on a phone call or get together. It's been a long time and that proverbial horse or bike (pick your old adage) is just plain crazy. Meeting people is tough and getting to really know anything about them is even tougher unless you actually venture out on a date...

All that being said, I'm having a nice time in my middle age and I am not in any hurry.

Spread Your Wings (slowly, but surely)!

Life at 50

Read a great list today and although I don't normally repost things like this, I'm going to make an exception today. The original article, 13 Habits of People Who Have a Fulfilling Life at Midlfe and Beyond was posted here http://alidavies.com/12-habits-of-people-who-have-a-fulfilling-life-at-midlife-and-beyond/. And a couple of the habits especially caught my eye.

#2—"They have created their own definition of success based on their values and what is most important to them..." Yes! It took a long time for me to figure this out, but success is definitely not based on the amount of money you earn, the fabulous trips you take, or anything else that is measurable by some kind of norm. To me, success is measured internally by what you to do make this world a better place. My kids mean the world to me and seeing them become successful young adults is the best!

#8—"They look after themselves..." You know when you're on an airplane and the stewardess reminds you that if there's a drop in cabin pressure you should put the mask on yourself before assisting those around you? Well, you can't help others if you've passed out. Taking care of yourself mentally and physically is an absolute must.

#11—"They don't take themselves or life too seriously." A big yes here! Life is meant to be lived. Have fun and Spread Your Wings!

The Big 5-0!

Monday, February 1st will begin my 2-week birthday celebration! I try to roll it right into Valentine's Day so I give plenty of time for everyone to shower me with presents, singing, and general frivolity. This is a big year—not a "5" year, but a "0" year. And it's one of the biggest—5-0. This means I'm officially entering middle age (I plan to live to at least 100).

This year, I'm kicking it off by spending my actual birthday with 100 of my favorite people...the school is having its annual Spaghetti Dinner fundraiser to earn money for the Upper Elementary and Middle School students to go on their big Spring Field Trips. My daughter is in UE and she's heading to St. Augustine this year. Many of the parents and kids will be there and we'll all have tremendous fun. Last year I drew mustaches on all the kids (girls, too) and gave them all chefs hats. Everyone ate like crazy and had a great time. I figure, what better way to spend my special day than helping everyone else work towards that field trip goal?

This was my goofball (left) with her BFF at last year's spaghetti dinner.

I'll be spending another day with close friends—the matriarch turns 70 a week after I turn 50. We're planning a double Over the Hill party and dinner to celebrate.

Then, I get to go hear my ultimate throwback favorite—Barry Manilow—with two close friends. I'm very excited about that one (don't laugh) since I haven't heard him in concert since high school. This is supposedly his "last" tour, although I think Cher has been out on at least 3 "last" tours in the last 2 decades.

Then we head into Valentine's Day and the kids are I are planning a big sushi weekend. Liam got a sushi kit for Christmas and he's been perfecting his California roll ever since. Livya and I are more than happy to taste test.

I am forever blessed to have my kids, my friends, and my school "family" in my life. There have been a lot of changes in my last decade, and while it's been a rough ride, I've gotten stronger, healthier, and landed on my feet a much happier person. Life isn't about the money or the things, it's about the people you have in it and how those relationships develop.

OK, I'll stop trying to be philosophical now.

Spread Your Wings!

People-Pleasers and Co-Dependents

I don't normally repost from other bloggers, but I adore Amy Poehler's Smart Girls site. She has everything from how to choose the perfect dog to how to change a tire. The articles are empowering for both young girls and "old" women (like me) alike. She celebrates the accomplishments of brainiacs, athletes, and artists. And unlike so many negative sites, this one focuses on the positive whenever humanly possible.

Today, Smart Girls shared an article about People Pleasers (posted by Jenna Regan). If you've read just about anything else I've posted, you know that I am a former co-dependent. I spent years trying to help everyone through their crisis. I was the "mother" of several music departments and tried to solve everyone's problems. The trouble was no one ever learned to solve their own problems and new problems kept coming up. So I wasted enormous amounts of time and mental energy trying to make the world perfect. And the world is not perfect.

I personally (my opinion only here) categorize people-pleasers as slow developing co-dependents. I definitely started out life as a people pleaser. At some point everyone needs to learn to stand up for themselves and respect themselves enough not to let people take advantage. There's a difference when you do something nice for a friend when the friend is the one asking/telling you to do it. I didn't figure all this out until I was in my 20s, but then had a tremendous backslide in my 40s. Not that I have it all figured out now, but now I am well aware of my need to say "no" when necessary. No one needs rescuing. And no one needs to be taken care of unless they are an infant or an invalid. Everyone needs to work out their own problems.

It's a really interesting article and definitely has a concrete example of how the mind of a people pleaser works. We all need to teach our children and young adults to stand up and respect themselves, but that doesn't mean you can't do a favor for a friend...

http://amysmartgirls.com/the-problem-with-people-pleasing/.

Spread Your Wings!

Living Life

The last two weeks back to school were rough! We had a great schedule while we were on Winter Break and we enjoyed every minute of it. But, man, did we pay when had to get back to our regular school schedule.

The last two weeks have been packed with crazy stories, court, court again, selling Girl Scout cookies, school accreditation, test prep meetings, and finally the rodeo. Yes, you read that last piece correctly. We have the furthest southern rodeo in the continental US in my hometown and celebrate for a whole week!

Now back to the point of this very brief blog entry. It's amazing to me that anyone thinks they can hide or cover anything these days. Everyone is so interconnected through social media and the internet in general. So instead of lying, cheating, and covering it up, why not head off all the innuendo and just be as honest as you can?

As a recovering co-dependent, I now understand I cannot save anyone. The theme from "Co-Dependent No More" and the various Al-Anon books that sticks with me most is—'unless you are an infant or a invalid, you are responsible for your own actions.' I try to live by that rule. If someone asks for help, of course, I'll help. But if they don't ask for help, it may be hard, but I now mind my own business (as much as I can).

Spread Your Wings! (and buy Girl Scout cookies)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! While this has been a tough year with my parents, this past week has been a good one. I have said this so many times before, but I truly believe that life with my alcoholic better prepared me for dealing with my aging parents. Each lives in their own reality and I can do nothing to show them the truth. My parents were happy and relaxed this week, a state that has not been in place since the end of October. I am thankful that we were able to spend the holidays together and they were in good moods and could enjoy our activities together.

Dad's Alzheimer's seems to come and go. There are good days/hours and there are rough patches. Sometimes he's more tired than others, and that causes additional confusion. This Christmas my dad still got worried when he didn't know where his car was (it was turned back into the dealership months ago) and he was wondering where their suitcases were when we took my brother to the airport for his flight back (Dad thought he was going back, too). 

Mom was still focused on money—she has an obsession with knowing how much they have at any given moment. Her dementia was not as bad this week and she was able to relax and enjoy being around her grandchildren, my brother, and me. She has started to talk about the possibility of living in an assisted care facility. This conversation alone is a huge step in the right direction, even if a move to such a facility doesn't take place until the summer. At least this week she's been open to the discussion.

Mom, Dad, the kids and me

Our alcoholic continues to live in a self-absorbed world, calling my kids briefly on Christmas Day (2 months since the last time there was a call). My daughter continues to be angry over the fact that her birthday was forgotten and now Christmas seems to be all but forgotten, too. Our alcoholic is rarely a part of our world and whenever the alcoholic crops up and decides to contact them, they are able to deal with it and move on rather than letting the contact disturb them. 

Relationships take time and energy. They are about being there in mind, body, and spirit, and not just texting or emailing. My children have learned this lesson at a very young age. Life is not about *things* it's about the people you choose to spend time with, whether they be blood relatives or the friends around you who have grown to be family. I'm not about reflecting on the past. I choose to live in the present and take life one day at a time. But tonight we will celebrate with those who have become family to us over the last 13 years. We're grateful for those who are here and celebrate the lives of those who are gone. 

Spread Your Wings!