A bittersweet trip home

Haven't written here in about a month. It's been a crazy springtime. My father died in April after a long decline in health over the last few years. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in August and then wound up in the hospital Easter weekend because he couldn't sit up and support his weight. At that time, I learned from the paramedics that the falling was only going to get worse as the Alzheimer's progressed. While he was in the hospital for 2 weeks, the doctors found that he had a large malignant mass on his esophagus. He was sent home with Hospice and died right about a month later.

During this time my mother was especially agitated, calling the police in the middle of the night because she didn't want the caregivers around, kicking out the Hospice nurses, and generally trying desperately to gain control of an uncontrollable situation. Her mood swings were horrible and she refused to take any medication to help the situation.  

I am now in the process of applying for guardianship of my mother. She is unable to take care of herself and has fired all but one of the caregivers. This is not an easy process by any means. She needs me to pay the bills and help read things for her, yet she doesn't want to relinquish control over anything. One minute she thanks me for all the help and the next minute she's cursing me and threatening that God will take it out on me when I die. I do my best to stay strong and not take anything personally, but it's hard to be around her.

I am so very thankful for the friends and family (blood relatives and those who are not). They give me strength to get through this situation. We are all flying to Ohio next week for Dad's memorial service. It will definitely be a bittersweet trip.

Hospice, Cancer, and the Whole Ball of Wax

The last month has been a blur. My father has been diagnosed with inoperable esophageal cancer, along with his earlier Alzheimer's diagnosis. He was admitted to the hospital the day before Easter because he kept falling and could no longer sit up, let alone stand and walk. In the hospital, a series of tests found that he had a heart arrhythmia and was malnourished. Then because of the falling, they did a series of brain scans and found that he had had strokes on both sides of his and that he also had a lot of tiny blood clots in his brain.

As the doctors performed many tests over that first couple of days, they found that there was a mass in his esophagus that was causing internal bleeding. When they performed scope procedure, a very large tumor was discovered. Because he was so under weight and because of how large and where the the tumor is, the doctors couldn't operate and really couldn't do much to shrink it. After a two-week stay in the hospital, the poking and prodding has now stopped. We decided to send him home. He is now resting as comfortably as he can in his own home with Hospice equipment and 24-hour caregivers.

While I am preparing for my dad's slow decline, I am now also having to battle my mother's inability to process the situation. That has been an even bigger challenge to me than accepting my dad's inevitable death. My mother just doesn't understand what is going on and that dad is very, very sick. She doesn't like the invasion of the caregivers (who are an amazing group of women, by the way). And she doesn't like it when she's not in charge. So there are fits of rage, explosive tantrums, and sessions of what seems like unending cursing. She has called the police on the caregivers and me, she has threatened lawsuits, and suggested that she'll walk back to Ohio if she needs to.  And while I'd like to just turn off the phone and forget about, I can't because one day there really will be an emergency and I will need to answer.

All that being said, everything I have learned through Al-Anon has really kicked in. I do not take anything personally. I always try to remember that I cannot control the words and actions of another person. And the idea of One Day at a Time is a reality. A good night's sleep makes all the difference in the world and that single day, a good day, can be perk me up for at least a week. :)

Spread Your Wings!

Happy Easter

So grateful for my life, my family, and my chosen family. Without faith and trust, I would not be in this place.In my very limited life experience, I have found that it's better to make that difficult decision and trust in God that everything will eventually work its way out. Enough said.

Spread Your Wings!

Back into Dating

Seriously...back into dating at my age. Never, ever have I ever imagined that would be happening again. But it is.

The original roots of this blog—my departure from academia and subsequent movement into the private educational sector—have kind of gone astray as my life has changed in oh so many ways over the last six years. Not only did I leave my academic job, but I am now divorced raising two young teens/pre-teens. To further complicate my life, I am now starting to dip my toes back into the wide open waters of dating.

While there may be men in my hometown, I am largely unaware of them...so I took to online dating. Seriously. Me. Rule #1—never even bother with someone who doesn't post a picture. I got taken right away by a scammer. Figure that out within 3 emails back and forth. Seriously, does my profile say "idiot"? 

Once I get past an email or two, I have mostly chickened out on a phone call or get together. It's been a long time and that proverbial horse or bike (pick your old adage) is just plain crazy. Meeting people is tough and getting to really know anything about them is even tougher unless you actually venture out on a date...

All that being said, I'm having a nice time in my middle age and I am not in any hurry.

Spread Your Wings (slowly, but surely)!

Life at 50

Read a great list today and although I don't normally repost things like this, I'm going to make an exception today. The original article, 13 Habits of People Who Have a Fulfilling Life at Midlfe and Beyond was posted here http://alidavies.com/12-habits-of-people-who-have-a-fulfilling-life-at-midlife-and-beyond/. And a couple of the habits especially caught my eye.

#2—"They have created their own definition of success based on their values and what is most important to them..." Yes! It took a long time for me to figure this out, but success is definitely not based on the amount of money you earn, the fabulous trips you take, or anything else that is measurable by some kind of norm. To me, success is measured internally by what you to do make this world a better place. My kids mean the world to me and seeing them become successful young adults is the best!

#8—"They look after themselves..." You know when you're on an airplane and the stewardess reminds you that if there's a drop in cabin pressure you should put the mask on yourself before assisting those around you? Well, you can't help others if you've passed out. Taking care of yourself mentally and physically is an absolute must.

#11—"They don't take themselves or life too seriously." A big yes here! Life is meant to be lived. Have fun and Spread Your Wings!

The Big 5-0!

Monday, February 1st will begin my 2-week birthday celebration! I try to roll it right into Valentine's Day so I give plenty of time for everyone to shower me with presents, singing, and general frivolity. This is a big year—not a "5" year, but a "0" year. And it's one of the biggest—5-0. This means I'm officially entering middle age (I plan to live to at least 100).

This year, I'm kicking it off by spending my actual birthday with 100 of my favorite people...the school is having its annual Spaghetti Dinner fundraiser to earn money for the Upper Elementary and Middle School students to go on their big Spring Field Trips. My daughter is in UE and she's heading to St. Augustine this year. Many of the parents and kids will be there and we'll all have tremendous fun. Last year I drew mustaches on all the kids (girls, too) and gave them all chefs hats. Everyone ate like crazy and had a great time. I figure, what better way to spend my special day than helping everyone else work towards that field trip goal?

This was my goofball (left) with her BFF at last year's spaghetti dinner.

I'll be spending another day with close friends—the matriarch turns 70 a week after I turn 50. We're planning a double Over the Hill party and dinner to celebrate.

Then, I get to go hear my ultimate throwback favorite—Barry Manilow—with two close friends. I'm very excited about that one (don't laugh) since I haven't heard him in concert since high school. This is supposedly his "last" tour, although I think Cher has been out on at least 3 "last" tours in the last 2 decades.

Then we head into Valentine's Day and the kids are I are planning a big sushi weekend. Liam got a sushi kit for Christmas and he's been perfecting his California roll ever since. Livya and I are more than happy to taste test.

I am forever blessed to have my kids, my friends, and my school "family" in my life. There have been a lot of changes in my last decade, and while it's been a rough ride, I've gotten stronger, healthier, and landed on my feet a much happier person. Life isn't about the money or the things, it's about the people you have in it and how those relationships develop.

OK, I'll stop trying to be philosophical now.

Spread Your Wings!

People-Pleasers and Co-Dependents

I don't normally repost from other bloggers, but I adore Amy Poehler's Smart Girls site. She has everything from how to choose the perfect dog to how to change a tire. The articles are empowering for both young girls and "old" women (like me) alike. She celebrates the accomplishments of brainiacs, athletes, and artists. And unlike so many negative sites, this one focuses on the positive whenever humanly possible.

Today, Smart Girls shared an article about People Pleasers (posted by Jenna Regan). If you've read just about anything else I've posted, you know that I am a former co-dependent. I spent years trying to help everyone through their crisis. I was the "mother" of several music departments and tried to solve everyone's problems. The trouble was no one ever learned to solve their own problems and new problems kept coming up. So I wasted enormous amounts of time and mental energy trying to make the world perfect. And the world is not perfect.

I personally (my opinion only here) categorize people-pleasers as slow developing co-dependents. I definitely started out life as a people pleaser. At some point everyone needs to learn to stand up for themselves and respect themselves enough not to let people take advantage. There's a difference when you do something nice for a friend when the friend is the one asking/telling you to do it. I didn't figure all this out until I was in my 20s, but then had a tremendous backslide in my 40s. Not that I have it all figured out now, but now I am well aware of my need to say "no" when necessary. No one needs rescuing. And no one needs to be taken care of unless they are an infant or an invalid. Everyone needs to work out their own problems.

It's a really interesting article and definitely has a concrete example of how the mind of a people pleaser works. We all need to teach our children and young adults to stand up and respect themselves, but that doesn't mean you can't do a favor for a friend...

http://amysmartgirls.com/the-problem-with-people-pleasing/.

Spread Your Wings!

Living Life

The last two weeks back to school were rough! We had a great schedule while we were on Winter Break and we enjoyed every minute of it. But, man, did we pay when had to get back to our regular school schedule.

The last two weeks have been packed with crazy stories, court, court again, selling Girl Scout cookies, school accreditation, test prep meetings, and finally the rodeo. Yes, you read that last piece correctly. We have the furthest southern rodeo in the continental US in my hometown and celebrate for a whole week!

Now back to the point of this very brief blog entry. It's amazing to me that anyone thinks they can hide or cover anything these days. Everyone is so interconnected through social media and the internet in general. So instead of lying, cheating, and covering it up, why not head off all the innuendo and just be as honest as you can?

As a recovering co-dependent, I now understand I cannot save anyone. The theme from "Co-Dependent No More" and the various Al-Anon books that sticks with me most is—'unless you are an infant or a invalid, you are responsible for your own actions.' I try to live by that rule. If someone asks for help, of course, I'll help. But if they don't ask for help, it may be hard, but I now mind my own business (as much as I can).

Spread Your Wings! (and buy Girl Scout cookies)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! While this has been a tough year with my parents, this past week has been a good one. I have said this so many times before, but I truly believe that life with my alcoholic better prepared me for dealing with my aging parents. Each lives in their own reality and I can do nothing to show them the truth. My parents were happy and relaxed this week, a state that has not been in place since the end of October. I am thankful that we were able to spend the holidays together and they were in good moods and could enjoy our activities together.

Dad's Alzheimer's seems to come and go. There are good days/hours and there are rough patches. Sometimes he's more tired than others, and that causes additional confusion. This Christmas my dad still got worried when he didn't know where his car was (it was turned back into the dealership months ago) and he was wondering where their suitcases were when we took my brother to the airport for his flight back (Dad thought he was going back, too). 

Mom was still focused on money—she has an obsession with knowing how much they have at any given moment. Her dementia was not as bad this week and she was able to relax and enjoy being around her grandchildren, my brother, and me. She has started to talk about the possibility of living in an assisted care facility. This conversation alone is a huge step in the right direction, even if a move to such a facility doesn't take place until the summer. At least this week she's been open to the discussion.

Mom, Dad, the kids and me

Our alcoholic continues to live in a self-absorbed world, calling my kids briefly on Christmas Day (2 months since the last time there was a call). My daughter continues to be angry over the fact that her birthday was forgotten and now Christmas seems to be all but forgotten, too. Our alcoholic is rarely a part of our world and whenever the alcoholic crops up and decides to contact them, they are able to deal with it and move on rather than letting the contact disturb them. 

Relationships take time and energy. They are about being there in mind, body, and spirit, and not just texting or emailing. My children have learned this lesson at a very young age. Life is not about *things* it's about the people you choose to spend time with, whether they be blood relatives or the friends around you who have grown to be family. I'm not about reflecting on the past. I choose to live in the present and take life one day at a time. But tonight we will celebrate with those who have become family to us over the last 13 years. We're grateful for those who are here and celebrate the lives of those who are gone. 

Spread Your Wings!

All is calm, all is bright

The kids and I are in full swing for Christmas—wrapping gifts for family and friends, baking cookies, and planning our activities over the two-week break from school. 2015 has been a very full year with all the normal (and abnormal) highs and lows. But all in all, life is good and we are looking forward to 2016.

All is calm, all is bright (for now). Christmas will be a quiet time this year. We'll have my parents over when my brother visits. We're planning to spend time together. My dad is doing fine these days, but my mother's confusion is lasting for longer and longer episodes. She seems genuinely angry all the time, and most of that anger is directed at me. At least I can rationalize that she's not herself. The hardening of the arteries is causing a lack of oxygen and blood flow to the brain. But she still refuses to go to a doctor or have the follow-up treatment that was recommended four months ago. DCF is no help at all because the house is clean, there's food in the fridge, and while mom may have fired the weekend person, the weekday people are still coming in to take care of my dad. It's been a very frustrating time to say the least. But this Christmas I will stay focused on the positive and look forward to a bright future for my kids. Happy to share the elves, Santa, and presents with them, as they always remember that the reason for this season is Jesus' birth.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, now go Spread Your Wings-

Tidings of Comfort and Joy?

As my kids and I are preparing for Advent and Christmas, we decorate the house, put up lights and buy a Christmas tree (yes, we still put up a live tree each year). My daughter coaxes my son to help her put out all the Christmas houses and light them. We sing Christmas carols and watch every single Christmas movie that was ever made (at last count we had about 25 movies, but some of the discs have 2 shorts on them. We pray every night for the those who need help and thank God for the wonderful life we have. Anyway, you get the picture.

This year, in particular, I have experienced firsthand how nasty some Christians can be to each other and especially non-Christians. I see it on Facebook where people post pictures of Christmas trees and then write "Go f*** yourself if you're offended." Really? I see posts about gun control, pro and con and equally offensive on both sides. Christian or not, when did we forget how to act like human beings and be respectful to everyone?

Last week I was called in before a governing church committee where I was serving as a music worship leader and told just how badly they believed I've been doing my job for the last 3 months. Only 1 in the group 7 actually has witnessed me doing that job, yet 3 of them believed it was their right as church leaders to be the judge and jury about my job. I never in my life been on the receiving end of such vitriolic attacks. I resigned 48 hours later after a great deal of thought. Constructive criticism is one thing, but these were direct and very personal attacks. Not only did the pastor sit by and let these people treat me that way, but then he did not reach out to me anytime over the next few days. Instead, he sent me a note asking if I could help out with a funeral on the weekend. Really? You let them tear me apart and then you want me to help you out when you're in a pinch?

Church is not a place I go to fight and I am doing my best not to become angry over this situation. So many people have reached out to me through phone calls, emails, and texts. I know we will stay in contact with many of the people we met at that church.  But church is supposed to be a place to uplift each other, not tear each other down. Christians want to know why their church congregations are dwindling—it's because many of them have an attitude that keeps newcomers from feeling welcomed. The hypocrisy among some churchgoers and their leaders keeps people on the outside, outside. (NB that last sentence sounded good when I said it out loud, but it reads a little weird :)  )

I live my life by the "Serenity Prayer" and have posted many blog entries about that prayer. I teach my children to do the same. We have learned over the last 5 years that everyone has choices and the only thing you have control over is yourself and your actions. If you choose to be a Christian, then act like a Christian. Lead by example—think for yourself, be responsible for yourself, and don't judge others. That's not your job. It's easier said than done and requires a lot of patience, understanding, and empathy. You need to be secure in yourself and your beliefs and not afraid to stand up for other people who may have different viewpoints. Mob mentality is what got Jesus crucified.

Merry Christmas and Spread Your Wings!

An Alcoholic's Reality vs. Reality

I often think about how an alcoholic views the world. I wonder why they do what they do and why some, but not all, can't figure out that if they just stopped drinking their world wouldn't be so topsy-turvy. After Al-Anon, I understand completely that I cannot control my alcoholic's actions, I can't cure them, and I certainly didn't cause my alcoholic to become an alcoholic. I also understand that I am never going to figure out why this person does what they do.

With all that being said, it still breaks my heart to see my children in pain. And when our alcoholic shows up at random visits inebriated, forgets my daughter's birthday, or when our alcoholic hasn't called in over six weeks, but sends a text on the day after Thanksgiving wishing my son "blessings and happiness," my children are deeply hurt. They won't admit it and they often joke about the situation because they have learned to cope as I do, through humor. They get by, certainly, but there is always a sting from the reminder that alcohol comes first with this person and they (the kids) come after everything else. Alcoholics think about nothing other than themselves and that next drink. They are typically egocentric and believe that no one can detect when they have been drinking.

At least the uncertainty of the next text or email from our alcoholic allows the kids to forget about the (lack of) relationship for while. Their recovery time from these random contacts has greatly improved with therapy and time. The random contact used to send my daughter into hysterical crying fits and my son into episodes of rage. Through therapy, those reactions have long subsided. We just take a deep breath and remember that God is in control. We turn it over to Him and then keep moving forward with our lives.

My children are the greatest and I tell them everyday how much I love them and how proud I am of them. We are leading happy, healthy, and productive lives despite having an alcoholic in our lives. As Al-Anon teaches, we choose to detach from the bad behavior because it's the only approach that works with an alcoholic. In the meantime, we lean on each other when we need to and celebrate all that we have and all that we accomplish.

My little Thanksgiving turkey, age 10

My Star Wars nerd, age 14

Spread Your Wings!

Happy Birthday, Dad

This week my dad celebrated his 83rd birthday. His caregiver got a small party together with balloons, a cake, and presents. Then yesterday the kids and I took my mom and dad out for brunch complete with eggs benedict and crab cakes. All in all it was a good week.

The weeks leading up to my dad's birthday, however, have been another thing all together. My mom is no longer taking her medicine. She refuses to go back to the doctor for follow-up appointments. And in general she's putting her life in danger. Because she has hardening of the arteries and is refusing to take care of herself and refusing help, I have had to ask for outside help to come in and evaluate her. This is not going to be a pleasant time, but if she can no longer care for herself, she leaves me no alternative.

I am hopeful that the system will work everything out. But so far things are taking a lot longer than I originally anticipated. However, I'm trying to stay hopeful and will continue to appreciate the good days as they come.

Spread Your Wings!

Parents and DCF

Until this past summer, I had no idea that the Department of Children and Families (DCF) had a wing that covered adults and the elderly. I guess I never thought about it—"families" would cover just about everyone, right?

Last July when my dad was lost and my mother was refusing help, I met a DCF caseworker who helped me through the next few weeks. She actually called me the day my dad was Baker-Acted. She called me because she had been alerted by the police that he was not taking care of himself and he had been involuntarily taken to the hospital for an evaluation. Once DCF learned that my father was safe, getting treatment and would be coming home with me temporarily, the caseworker jumped in right away to help get my mother evaluated. My mother had her own case opened, which in the long run will help me get any services for her that are needed. That evaluation proved that she was borderline competent and could continue living on her own without aid. But because my father needed medicine and a little assistance, both DCF and their doctor recommended an aid at home (not 24/7, but just during the daytime and early evening).

Fast forward to last week...all has been mostly great for the last couple of months since I was able to hire the aids for my parents. The phone calls have gone from a record 21 in a single day, down to about 1-2 per week. We have all settled into a routine again.

So last week when the DCF caseworker called to ask how everything was going, I updated her on the situation. She was very happy to hear that my dad was doing so much better. I told her how they've both had a series of doctor's appointments and are now following up with adjustments in their medications, dad got a new set of teeth, life is good. At the end of the conversation the caseworker told me that she was closing the cases on both my parents and wished us all well.

Now you would hope that the story would end there and life would keep moving forward, right? Well after a series of appointments, my mom has now been diagnosed with high cholesterol and hardening of the arteries. The doctor is recommending additional brain scans to see if surgery is necessary. So in the midst of all this, my mom is now refusing to take her Paxil, which has sent her over the moon crazy, angry, and paranoid. She's been accusing the daytime aids of stealing money, loosing the doctor's notes, and really just being in the way all the time.

Yesterday she got into it with their full-time aid, who finally left a little early because she was so upset. It's hard not to take things personally when these terrible accusations and being thrown your way. This morning we are trying to get her back to the doctor so she can get her back on track with her meds. My mom is terribly confused, completely uncooperative, and very paranoid. She doesn't want to take medicine and tries to control every situation.

My biggest predicament is—do I call DCF back and get them involved again? If you catch her on a good day, then my mom can be perfectly lucid and seemingly cooperative. However, if you catch like she was yesterday, anyone can tell that something is just not right. It's a slow, rocky path ahead, but as long as we don't get too far off, hopefully we can keep moving in a positive direction for both my parents.

Spread Your Wings!

Reinhold Niebuhr

Bet you didn't expect that as the title of an entry!

Reinhold Niebuhr is the author of the "Serenity Prayer." He apparently wrote a series of essays and prayers over his lifetime. Many people know the first paragraph of the "Serenity Prayer," but I wanted to take the time to put the entire original prayer here.

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, Courage to change the things which should be changed, and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. 

Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next. 

Amen.

This prayer has helped me to keep sane in even the most worrisome of times. Hoping it might help someone else out, too.

Spread Your Wings!

Serenity Prayer

This is probably the 20th or so time I've titled an entry "Serenity Prayer," but there is good reason. Getting through tough times can be hard even with friends and family to support you.

Every time my alcoholic drunk texts me and every time he picks up my children to take them for a visit, my initial thought is to get angry and fight back. It takes every strength I have to not act like the child he does. It takes every ounce of self-control that I have to remember that even an active alcoholic has rights to see his/her children. And it takes everything I have not to talk badly about the alcoholic to my children.

The Serenity Prayer reminds me that I cannot change the world, I can only be at peace with the decisions I have made. The changes in my life and the lives of my children have put us in a much better place, although it's taken a good five years of working through a lot to get here. And though we have had some lean times the last few years and attended therapy and Al-Anon/Alateen, only through constant prayer and knowing that it's not my time, it's God's time, have I been able to get us through even the roughest of spots.

Courage to change the "things"—not people—is central to understanding the Al-Anon program. I cannot change people, no matter how much I would like to force my will on them sometimes. My toughest issue personally has been to overcome the idea that I cannot fix the world or that I have no control over others. I cannot force my will on anyone, not matter how hard I used to try. The only person I have complete control over is me. And as long as someone is not a baby or an invalid, other people need to learn to take care of themselves and understand the consequences of their actions. No one can take responsibility for another unless they first can take responsibility for themselves—their actions and their words.

As my kids left for a visit today, I immediately pulled out my "One Day at a Time in Al-Anon" book. I usually try to read it every couple of days (unfortunately I'm not organized to find the 5 minutes a day to read it everyday as I should). So I'm often reading tomorrow's verses today or yesterday's and today's verses simultaneously. Today, as I read tomorrow's entry, I especially appreciated the insight the unidentified Al-Anon members wrote— "I have only one person's guilt to carry: my own. If the alcoholic blames me for his difficulties, I will not accept that blame, but I will not defend myself, either, for that would only start a fruitless battle." Starting "fruitless battle(s)" with an alcoholic only contributes to the alcoholic's drinking and delusional thoughts and actions. So as difficult as it is for me to not argue or point out the flaws in my alcoholic's thinking, I try my hardest to stay focused on what I am able to control—my actions and words.

Spread Your Wings!

Life Happens

So it's been over a month since I have written on my blog. The last 6 weeks or so have been a blur—a one-day-at-a-time period of non-stop phone calls, hospital visits, conversations with doctors, and tremendous support from friends. Sometimes life just happens and it gets in the way of our normalcy. But there's not much you can do other than muddle through as best you can and keep moving forward.

On August 6th, I got a call from the Homestead Police at 4 am that my mother was downtown on a street corner calling for help. When I got there, the police were talking to her. She told them they had gone grocery shopping with my dad and gotten lost—mind you, this was 4 am still. Then they got directions and had to stop and get gas and got lost again. Then apparently my father was not driving the way the mother thought he should go, so she jumped out of the car and started walking in a different direction. At that point she said that my dad "manhandled" her to get back into the car and she ran away through the corn and wheat fields of Homestead. Now, my father has never laid a hand on my mother, but she was frantic and delusional at this time, so who knows what actually happened.

She said he stalked her for about an hour before he grabbed her again, but she got away and ran and ran. Then she eventually got to the middle of the downtown area in my small town where someone heard her calling for help and the police picked her up. We still don't know the exact timeline of everything because she was found at 4 am and said they had been grocery shopping in the afternoon. 

I took her back home and the police came to the house about an hour later. He asked her questions about what dad was wearing, etc. At one point she said he was depressed and the officer asked about any medications. So she went into the bedroom to find the pill bottles. I sent my son in with her to help as she's legally blind. Then I was finally able to speak to the police by myself and asked him to tell her she and/or they are not allowed to live alone any more. I explained the situation and he took over from there. I have been trying for months to get some help from authorities with this growing problem, but at each turn, I was met with reasons why I couldn't receive help with my parents.

However, this police officer was a great help and told my mom that dad's at a time in his life cycle when he needs some assistance. Surprisingly, she totally agreed and said she would be fine living alone in the house. Then he corrected her and said, no, she needed some assistance, too. He told her how hard it was to hear sometimes, but that she couldn't stay living in the house without assistance. She listened, but argued back.

Then the police called my house around 7:30 am to let me know that dad was found. He had parked the car on US-1 and was sleeping under a tree. His license had been revoked (it was previously suspended) and I needed to come pick up the car. When we got there, he was in the back of the police car, looked awful, and in hand cuffs. The police asked if he wanted to go home and he asked if my mom was there and the cop said yes. Then dad said he'd rather die than go back there. So he was immediately Baker Acted. He was in the psych ward for 3 days before being released into my custody.

My father was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimers and my mother has some form of undiagnosed dementia. I am working daily to get all the doctor's appointments, tests, and follow-ups moving each week. I have hired aids to be with them 12+ hours everyday. It's been a long process, but we are moving forward each day. I'm going to keep writing here daily (or as much as I can) in order to help others find the assistance they may need. Aging parents has been a running theme of my blog. My parents moved here just over a year ago to help the kids and me through a long, dragged out divorce from an alcoholic. They thought they were helping us cope. Instead, we are helping them through the obstacles of Alz and dementia. It's all been God's plan in His time.

Spread Your Wings!

Vacation

No, this is not about the so-called "reboot" of the classic Chevy Chase/Beverly D'Angelo road trip movie. The kids and I took a vacation this month—a huge road trip to visit family and friends far and near. Our destinations included Pittsburgh, Stoney Creek, Ontario and the Niagara Falls area, Cincinnati, Murray (KY), Mammoth Cave National Park, and Memphis.

Enjoying her Canadian umbrella hat

Having a cold root beer at Lost Pizza in Memphis

We crossed Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Alabama.

And we celebrated Christmas in July in Canada, hiked the largest cave system in the world, crossed over one of the largest river systems in the US, passed through at least five capitol cities, rode the tallest freestanding elevator in the world to the very top, slept in tents and cooked over an open fire in Mammoth Cave National Park, and drove right through mountains in the Blue Ridge Parkway. We ate at LaRosa's and Skyline in Cincinnati, hit a farmer's market in Murray, KY, had pastries from a French bakery in Pittsburgh, and saw (and played on) a video game exhibit at the Brooks Museum in Memphis. All in all we had an amazing trip together!

Looking over the Mississippi River atop the Pyramid

Hanging with Cousin Drake in Memphis

When you ask my children what was their favorite part, they name just about everything we did. But to me, the most important part was reconnecting with friends we hadn't seen in years. Nicole, John, Hazel, Harlow, Donna, Cheryl, Mike, Hannah, Hugh, Scott, Katie, and Drake—these are the folks we saw on our trip. While the stories are too many to keep your interest here, we all shared stories and reconnected, promised to stay in touch, and are already making plans for future visits.

Visiting family and former teachers in Cincinnati

Recently I had a friend contact me asking if it was OK if he unfriended me in Facebook—my nearly ex-husband had apparently asked him not to be friends with me on Facebook. This a ridiculously childish request. I'm not in high school folks and I could not care less if I'm friends with someone on Facebook. I actually go through and purge people regularly (unfortunately that usually happens when their birthday pops up and I realize I don't actually know who that person). When a 40-year-old human being asks another to unfriend someone who has apparently offended him, I just shake my head in wonder. Facebook doesn't make you friends—life makes you friends. Racking up thousands of names of people you've met, doesn't mean you have friends. And that's what our family vacation was all about this year!

Livya's charcoal artwork at our campsite

Spread Your Wings!

Working Mothers

Love this new article:

"According to a working paper (pdf) published June 19 by the Harvard Business School, daughters of working mothers are more likely to be employed, hold supervisory positions, and earn more money than the daughters of women who don’t work outside the home. The researchers also found a statistically significant effect on the sons of working women, who are likely to spend more time caring for family members and doing household chores than are the sons of stay-at-home mothers."

Check out the rest of the online article at http://qz.com/434056/working-moms-have-more-successful-daughters-and-more-caring-sons-harvard-business-school-study-says/?utm_source=parFSN

Spread Your Wings!

Just Breathe

A friend of mine gave me a bracelet last year that came with a note to "Just Breathe." I wear it everyday and will continue to do so until it falls off my wrist. It's a constant reminder that I'm taking life one day at a time and remembering to breathe. Have an awesome week!

Spread your wings!